Your Thoughts
Please share with us your reasons for dressing the way you do.
Please comment on your feelings towards this website.
why do inches matter?
if i cover my collar bone exactly or wear my shirt just one inch below what is the big difference?
if i wear my skirt one inch lower does it actually make a difference?
I was in a car accident one summer. After my tire blew my car started spinning 360's across 3 lanes of the highway. with Hashem's mercy the lanes had just cleared and we didn't hit any other cars. Eventually we smashed into the guard rail that caught our car from falling over into the ditch along the side of the highway. After stepping out of the car, my family and i saw how one inch later, the guard rail ended and there was nothing protecting cars from falling over the "cliff"
Hashem calculated that we would get to the side of the road before that one inch. If Hashem instructs us that we need to cover our elbows, knees or collar bones, then there is a calculated purpose for it. One inch can have a tremendous impact. Inches do make a differences.
-do you know the story about the rebbe in the holocaust who saw the lady not wearing socks and he gave her his tights in the freezing winter cuz he said its more important for her to be tzniut and covered then himself? i forget which chassidisheh rebbeh this was i can try to find out.
I think dressing modestly (however people define that for themselves) is related to having a healthy self-esteem. Real self-esteem is not based on something that is outwardly changeable, because then it will not last. If a girl only feels good about herself because she flaunts her body, then on all days where she is not dressed up, or if her appearance changes from an injury, or even just aging, she will no longer like herself. That is very sad... she should have a high concept of self-worth regardless of what she looks like. I think that is one of the messages of modesty, that yes my body may be beautiful but I don’t feel some sort of insecure need to prove that. (Age 21)
I wholeheartedly agree and I think it’s more important to have high self-esteem and to feel good about yourself than to focus only on covering up. Personally, I don’t keep most of the laws of tzniut for various reasons, but I don’t want to offend anyone so I won’t really go into them. I like the way I dress and I’m not going to change my clothes because there are random laws that tell women what they can and cannot do. I also feel that tzniut is more about behavior than the way we dress; I try to be a good, humble person and that is my way of being tznius. I think acting modestly is much more important than dressing modestly.
I have to say, someone posted a story about the Holocaust that I think is absolutely horrible. During a time when people were painfully dying of starvation and hypothermia, this rabbi gave his warm tights to a woman not to selflessly save her life but because he didn’t want to see her legs? That’s ridiculous and quite frankly, it makes me sick. It reminds me of the views my Bubby had on tzniut. One summer when I was a kid she took me to the movies and the girl who took our tickets asked her why she was wearing such warm clothing. My Bubby smugly replied that she is Jewish and dresses modestly because it allows people to focus on her mind and soul, rather than her body. The girl (who was in shorts and a tank top) replied that she knows lots of Jews and understands the idea of modesty, but surely G-d wouldn’t require us to wear wool sweaters and thick black tights in the heat of July. This wisdom that came from a non-Jewish girl made more of an impression on me than my Bubby forcing me to wear skirts every day did. She made a great point: there are ways to be tzniust’s without sacrificing your comfort or your dignity. And those are the only ways I’m interested in. (Age 21)
For the longest time, I wondered why we make such a big deal about modesty being the “jewel” of women when clothing seem like a “bdieved” or a backup plan to the creation of the world. Weren’t Adam and Chava created in the ideal way, naked, and then only cursed to wear clothing to hide their shame after they sinned?? So what’s with all the flowery talk about the beauty of modesty?
I think this episode really shows us the true way to look at modesty. Before the sin, Adam and Chava saw the world in a completely objective way. The evil inclination was outside them (in the form of the snake), not in them. Everything was black and white, there was no gray. (Chocolate cake was equal to its calories and fat, it didn’t matter how good-tasting it looked). So body parts (I think this is according to the Ramban) were just seen as parts that helped us do our jobs. Even our most private parts were seen in terms of their functions, like eyes that are used to see. When they sinned, Hashem let the yetzer hara, temptation, enter them and cloud the way they saw the world.
Hence, the reason why today, we have such a hard time seeing things for what they truly are. We get distracted by how “hot” someone is before we think about how much Torah they know or what goodness they’ve done. So because we live in this world where we have this outlook (which, yes, isn’t ideal), we need to react in a way that will help ourselves and others be as little distracted and others. Because if not, well then we are just letting the clouded way of thinking win and telling other people that we
are just pieces of meat and nothing more. That meat which is judged by other people based on attractiveness, blocks our true selves, our souls that are trying to shine through. So when we clothe that meat in an appropriate way, we are letting our true selves show through. We are saying to the world, “Hello, I am a person, this is who I am”, and not just “what I am.” You are allowing those who meet you to better focus on the parts of you that define you, like your personality, your wisdom, your deeds, your love of G-d....So really, tzniut is not about covering yourself. It’s about uncovering the true you, as cliche as that sounds.
I think this is very important for girls (and guys) today because as my 12th grade teacher, Mrs. Neuberger said, “The way many people educate kids about tzniut is dangerous.” I think what she meant is that it is dangerous to tell girls that you need to cover yourselves up and make yourself look as much like you don’t exist as possible. (She meant it in the sense that it will negatively affect marriages and appropriate sexuality when a girl thinks it is bad to show her body). But also, what do you think that does to self-esteem of the future generations? I think it tells girls that they are not important. It gives them the message that they should not be seen. We don’t want girls to crawl into holes and hide. We want them to be proud of who they are, bnot torah and bnot Hashem, and express those ideas and grow as people who can lead a healthy, strong next generation. (Age 21)
I have always wondered: doesn't us wearing black tights and long dark sleeves in the heat of the summer and walking around in public cause attention? So doesn't that violate being tzniut?(15)
That's a really interesting observation! I wonder if it does. But what about when someone says "that person is very modest"? then clearly her modesty has been noticed... it seems like there's an inherent contradiction in modesty... if you're modest amongst less people then you stand out- is that going against the ideals of modesty? then again if you dress the same amongst modest people, you don't stand out. Should we change our attire depending on who surrounds us? Let me know your thoughts :) (Age 22)
I think modesty has the objective and subjective elements. So for example I might dress in a way that is very covered as to not bring attention to my body, that is how I subjectively apply it. But if I'm in an area where no one is covered and therefore I stand out and everyone notices me, I think there's also the objective side of tzniut, which demands that I can't be uncovered (to whatever degree) even if it is to fit in and "not be noticed".
Also, when someone is noticed for being modest amongst immodest people .. it's not really her body that is being noticed... it is her presence. (Age 22)Good point about her presence... "not drawing attention to yourself" is a hard rule to follow and it has no end. for example say you're on your way to a wedding. Most people on the street don't walk around in wedding gowns so that would surely draw attention to yourself but how can you avoid that? I think rather if we 're covering our body (elbows, knees, collarbone) it should be OK. (age 27)
What do you mean by "OK"?